LEADERSHOCK, RULE 1: ACTIVATE INTENTIONS

In the throes of LeaderShock, we merely react to one event after the next. With so many demands coming from so many directions, our business culture kicks in and demands rapid fire responses. It insists we do something, anything, to fix each problem.

The result: Often, we don’t get the outcomes we really want. What’s missing is a preliminary step, pivotal to us yet invisible to everyone else. That pivotal step involves our Intention, the key to mobilizing the untapped force that lies within us and the axle on which the other seven rules turn.

I’ve taught even the most hardened Wall Street executives how to harness the power of their Intentions to get the trust, invigoration, and business results they want without domineering, creating departmental strife, or pushing their own stress levels to the stratosphere. The fact is, unlike forces we can’t control, our Intentions are 100 percent within our control. Yet most distracted and overwhelmed leaders fail to capitalize on that reality, and instead stumble from one activity to the next on autopilot all because they are unaware of their Intentions.

But whether we’re aware of them or not, our Intentions are driving the show. Minute by minute, they are the internal messages we give ourselves that dictate not only what we say, but how we say it, how we act, and how we are perceived. When we’re not conscious of our Intentions, they become like runaway stallions, taking us to places we don’t want to go. (Thus that out-of-control feeling that goes with LeaderShock.) By making clear, purposeful

Intentions, we focus in a chosen direction and act optimally.

Simple, yet subtle, Rule No. 1 consists of two equally important steps:

1. Consciously set your Intention before any event prior to a customer call, at the outset of a meeting, or before interacting with employees.

2. Then fully reveal that Intention (that is, your most closely held work-related desires, motivations, and internal game plans) to whomever you’re working with.

If that sounds too radical or simply undoable, allow me to guide you down the rabbit hole to the Wonderland of Intention.

STEP ONE: SETTING YOUR INTENTION

You set your Intention by seizing the invaluable yet fleeting window of opportunity that occurs between perceiving something and reacting to it. Therein is the triumphal turning point away from LeaderShock to something sublimely better. Here’s how it works: Before any interaction or event take an extra few seconds to transform your outcome by consciously choosing how you want to respond. During these precious seconds you establish your Intention by predetermining the two leadership elements that affect everything your attitude and behavior.

Attitude is always the place to begin because it colors everything you’re about to do.

ATTITUDE

Determine your attitude by asking yourself these three questions:

• What’s my attitude now? (For example: Am I apathetic? Hostile?)

• Does this attitude get me what I really want? (If you’re apathetic or hostile, your answer is probably, “No.”)

• If not, what attitude will get me what I want? (An invigorated attitude? A compassionate one?)

If you’re struggling with these questions, I challenge you to embrace the following truth: Regardless of your situation, you can always choose your attitude.

Perhaps you don’t believe it? Well, if you have control over what you order from a restaurant menu or your position on a political issue, you have that same control over your own attitude. Your frame of mind is actually whatever you want it to be. The problem is that in the grip of LeaderShock you’re so busy doing that you don’t take time to choose your attitude, so you allow it to control you rather than the reverse. Because attitude animates your actions, once your attitude is set you’re in the best position to decide what behavior is going to work best.

BEHAVIOR

Good news: Everything you just did to choose your attitude will also help you choose the behavior you want. Ask yourself the same three questions, slightly modified:

• What behavior am I about to engage in? (For example: Give my employee a hard time. Persuade my boss I’m right?)

• Does this get me what I really want?

• If not, what behavior will work better?

Consider some approaches: Do I want to just listen right now, offer full support, gather as much feedback as I can before making any comments, aggressively make my point, or play devil’s advocate?

Your list of choices is limited only by your imagination. But once you choose, you’ve created a behavioral strategy that optimizes the chances for a positive result.

Windows of Opportunity

With a little practice the act of choosing attitude and behavior becomes a lightning-fast process that you activate as naturally as you brush your teeth or fasten your seatbelt. As your day unfolds, the more opportunities you seize to set your attitude and behavior, the more empowered, and the less LeaderShocked, you’ll be. Thriving leaders have not fallen into the Crisis Reactor Trap and you don’t need to either.

With a determination to find these opportunities to set your Intention, you stop merely reacting and become the master of who you want to be and how you want to be seen by others.

My experience with thousands of leaders has convinced me that what you achieve, your end result, is based almost entirely on the nature and strength of your Intentions, and very little on the actual things you do to get there. That’s why creating deliberate Intentions is the ultimate transformational leadership behavior, even under dire circumstances.

Though few leaders find themselves in the unthinkable scenario described by Victor Frankl, I’ve watched managers with ill-conceived Intentions languish and managers with well-considered Intentions transcend the LeaderShocked masses to become stars. To prove that point, let’s explore two leaders from two companies: Michael, an upbeat, gregarious, seat-of-the-pants powerhouse, and Mary Ann, a soft-spoken, highly organized engineer. On the surface they appear to be as different as night and day, yet each has not only avoided LeaderShock but thrived in the chaos of modern business. Both are effective leaders, both are invigorated leaders, and both use Intentions in ways that suit their unique styles.

The Purposeful Powerhouse

Michael, the Denver manager of a small plastics company, supervises eight sales representatives. Last year his top-rated department grew three times faster than the sales departments in any of the other six offices. “I lead by Intention. It’s everything. I set my Intentions fifty times a day, maybe more. Before I do anything, I check my control panel. I come in for a landing with all my instruments adjusted for success.”

So one morning after Bob, an employee, landed a new account, Michael was ready with a well-thought out Intention rather than the standard pat on the back. He motioned Bob into his office and purposely projected the enthusiastic pride he felt (attitude) as he asked probing questions about why Bob thought he’d been so successful (behavior).

The outcome was twofold: First, Bob felt charged up. Second, Bob was armed with an awareness of his success factors and the motivation to continue using them in the long term.

Michael’s day went from rushed to hectic. Susan, another staff member, began leaving some not-so-subtle clues that she was annoyed. Rather than give in to the urge to ignore her, he set an Intention to convey empathy (attitude), and to find out what was wrong while offering his full attention (behavior). Once again Intention yielded the result Michael really wanted an employee who walked away energized and focused rather than sulking the day away.

Michael is known for his proactive leadership, and he’s reputed to deliver the most impressive presentation at quarterly board meetings. The Board of Directors who preside over this solemn event are a brutal bunch, infamous for terrorizing speakers with J. Edgar Hoover-style interrogation techniques.

Where does Michael find his confidence? He overrides initial reactions of fear and tension with a healthy determination to be articulate, upbeat, and informal. Feelings of intimidation are alleviated. His reoriented frame of mind is “I’m here because I’m the expert. Nobody else knows more about my territory than I do.” And because he believes it, so does the Board. Michael knows that his mindset is more powerful than anything that actually happens at the meeting. Instead of being poised for an anxiety based interaction, Michael sets himself up for the experience he desires.

Like Michael, we must see ourselves as artists, choosing among an array of colors on our internal palette. We create an exquisite mixture of chosen attitudes and behaviors uniquely appropriate to the situation at hand. This enlightened awareness is what makes thriving leaders so rare.

Rising above the Fray

Mary Ann is a rare commodity at her company. When I was first hired to work with the leaders of Mary Ann’s organization I was told to brace myself.

“This group is miserable, always at each other’s throats,” groaned the director in charge, “except for Mary Ann. She’s phenomenal; a natural-born leader.” Indeed, I found her to be intelligent and articulate, but that’s not what made her so special.

Before each of the contentious weekly leadership meetings, she was not only predetermining how she intended to make key points, she was calmly writing them down. At the meetings, in the quietest way, she always got what she wanted. Her scripted notes detailed not only what she wanted to say, but also how she intended to say it.

As a guest at several of these meetings, I witnessed a rollercoaster ride of hostile reactions and hurt feelings. Mary Ann, by contrast, never took the ride. “With this group I’ve got two Intentions in play at all times.” she says. “Number one: I choose to not be offended regardless of what someone says to me.” (Attitude) “And number two: I always listen first with the aim to understand.” (Behavior) “I go in to each meeting intending to walk out with dignity and grace and I do.”

When we don’t assertively set our Intentions, we passively or unconsciously choose something else. Our outcomes are haphazard, and we become hostage to people and events that lead us astray. It’s like untying a motorboat from the dock, but neglecting to turn on the engine. We’re merely adrift, buffeted by winds, currents, and the wakes of other boats factors beyond our control. Great things may await on the other side of the lake but unless serendipity is on our side we’ll never get there. Setting an Intention turns on the engine that propels us on a course we have purposely chosen. Intention adds directionality and power to human endeavor.

Setting Intentions has even broader, more profound applicability when you apply it beyond situational uses to your daily and yearly leadership experience. Let’s look at Intention as an antidote to LeaderShock precipitators on a grander scale.

DAY-BY-DAY INTENTIONS

If we don’t watch out, the pernicious force of workplace negativity engulfs us, whether it stems from a plunging market, a problematic customer, or conflict with other departments. Even worse, we give authority to our own negative voice: “I can’t do it,” “I don’t care anymore.” “It’s hopeless.” The cumulative strength of all this negativity can be counteracted only by the even greater strength of our commitment to a positive daily Intention.

Thriving leaders know that the essential “to do” when they hit their desks in the morning is not the traditional to-do list of activities. Before anything else they choose their attitude for the day. It’s as much a ritual as that first cup of coffee. Both guarantee a terrific rush, the former from jumping into a positive frame of mind; the later from a blast of caffeine.

Daily Intentions preset the way thriving leaders meet the events of the day. Their commitment is about creating a day that’s optimistic and focused rather than scattered and stressed. As one leader put it, “I start off expecting to have a rich and upbeat experience every day, full of stimulating interactions, challenging puzzles, and new learning. And those expectations pay off. What I expect to get is exactly what I do get. And what I get is “The Gold.” And so it could go for you.

Choosing your day isn’t about denying problems, sugarcoating them, or guaranteeing specific results. It’s about intensifying your focus on that which is uplifting and self-affirming. When you choose a positive attitude you feel physically better.

My friend, biochemist Dr. David Spear, helped me understand why. He tells me a physiological phenomenon takes place when you give yourself any positive message (such as enjoyment, pride, or confidence). Endorphins are released, you feel better, and then more endorphins are released. It’s a cycle; conscious behavior elicits biochemical reward, which in turn encourages you to generate more positive messages. Since you have the power to initiate this cycle, let me invite you to take the opportunity to do so every chance you get!

“Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It’s more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company . . . a church . . . a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude will we embrace for that day. ” Charles Swindoll

YEAR-BY-YEAR INTENTIONS

Moving beyond daily Intentions, powerful and exhilarated leaders also devise ongoing Intentions they live by all the time. These are not benchmarked goals attainable in a finite period of time (for example, “By year’s end I will close five more million-dollar deals.”) These are broader, grander, year-to-year commitments to ongoing attitudes and behaviors. As individual as thumbprints, you create them after assessing what attitudes and behaviors will give you the greatest payoff over time. In essence, they become your modus operandi. Here are some examples:

• I always help, never hurt.

• I make things better, never blame or become a victim.

• I spend time with the people who can get me the most return.

• I generate and embrace new ideas, not shoot them down.

• I sell and champion my team’s mission every chance I get.

The magic in all these statements is that they’re panoramic in application, yet narrow in focus. And that’s the source of their power. The narrower your focus, the stronger the Intention, and the stronger the Intention, the greater the likelihood you’ll get what you want. Let’s take a familiar example.

You’ve probably had the experience of hearing about a new car you’ve never noticed before but are now interested in. With a laser-like Intention to find one, miraculously, you begin to see that new car at every corner. And this is the point. When you are crystal clear about what you are looking for, you begin to find it everywhere. So it follows that when you’re crystal clear about how you want to be, that’s what you become.

PART TWO: STATING YOUR INTENTION

Setting Intention is only the first half of the story. One of my most important discoveries about non LeaderShocked managers the crème de la crème  is that they consistently make the right things happen by stating their Intentions. In so doing, they remove unproductive assumptions and masterfully establish just the right tenor for every process and dialogue. Most of all, by daring to disclose their Intentions they invoke the two leadership essentials the creation of trust and mutual respect.

I believe that parlaying our internal intentions into spoken Intentions renders a breakthrough, a brand of crystal-clear communication that not only frees us all from the clutches of LeaderShock but also ushers in an exciting new wave of leadership.

Unfortunately, divulging real Intentions is so counter-cultural to organizational thinking that it rarely dawns on anyone to do it. In most companies leaders are taught, coached, and encouraged to protect themselves by strategically withholding their motivations, desires, and underlying reasons for personal behavior. But sadly, this lack of crucial information is the keep-your-cards-close-to-the-vest genesis of stress, frustration, and confusion an expressway to Leader Shock.

HOW TO STATE AN INTENTION

Stating Intentions requires that you have the courage to reveal your internal game plan. Whether you’re addressing one of your staff members or a large audience for the first time, stand up, take a deep breath, and let everyone know right from the start

• Who you are

• What you’re up to

• Where you’re coming from

For maximum success, challenge yourself to state your Intentions right up front every time at the new hire orientation meeting, during an employee coaching session to address a hygiene issue, while interacting with your boss over a missed deadline, or even at a meeting with your most irrational client. Consider Margaret’s story and the impact of her spoken Intention.

KEEP THE MAIN THING THE MAIN THING

Several years ago I was working with the leaders of a large hospital. On the day our training was to begin, I watched the seventy participants shuffle into the conference room with that irritated “Why am I here?” look. No doubt about it, these people were overwhelmed by weighty workloads and didn’t want to waste a whole day in a seminar. Soon a 5 foot dynamo entered the room to kick off the program.

Unaware of her spellbinding powers, I fully expected to hear the usual platitudes something about the company’s commitment to developing people and hopes that everyone would take full advantage of the chance to learn. But instead, I was about to hear words I remember to this day.

Margaret, Director of the hospital, stepped to the podium. “Good morning.” she said. “As head of this organization, I want to take this opportunity to restate my overriding Intention. And that is: I fully intend to turn our reputation around. I’m committed to finding every opportunity to transform us from the hospital with the lowest patient satisfaction rating in the city to the hospital with the highest. That must be your Intention as well. Everything we do from here on out is in service of raising patient satisfaction. And we must never lose focus. Today’s training is imperative to removing the traps that prevent us from leading with the gusto we need to realize our Intention.”

Margaret concluded with one of the most memorable Intention lines I’ve ever heard. “The main thing” she said, “is just to keep the main thing the main thing. And, doing everything we can to become a hospital with exemplary customer service is, unquestionably, the main thing!” With those words Margaret palpably transformed the mood in that room. Now leaders of diverse viewpoints were willing to coalesce around the personal commitment of a strong and selfassured leader. Margaret not only created context for the entire day and avoided backlash, she rallied the troops around her vision and direction.

As Margaret demonstrated, there’s no substitute for a spoken Intention. Much more than articulating an issue, it is a vigorous and relentless expression of her pledge to personal behavior. Often born from stubbornness and sheer tenacity, spoken Intentions energize and animate employees and enrich all their subsequent actions.

APPLICATIONS: WITH EMPLOYEES, COWORKERS, AND TEAMS

When you start conversations with an Intention statement you’ve gone far beyond stating your expectations of what you want other people to do, you’ve revealed how you intend to be. Consider these examples:

• To your employee: “I want to give you an opportunity to take the ball and run with it on this project. I’ll stay in the background until you come to me.” (With this statement, there’s no question in the employee’s mind as to your respective roles in this project.)

• To your valued colleague (after a misunderstanding): “My Intention is to rebuild trust between us. In the past we had a wonderful relationship that I valued very much. Somehow we got off track and I want to do my part to bring us back together again.” (With any misunderstanding, an Intention statement gives you the opening you need to clean things up. Notice that three sentences, nothing fancy and a mere 15 seconds of dialogue, are the inaugural step to an honest dialogue critical to mending a broken relationship.)

• To your most difficult coworker (after a conflict): “My intention is to engage with you rather than pull away. I’d like to review what happened, hear your perspective, and be able to share mine. I want to be clear with you about why I was so angry and then begin to look at ways we can work together better in the future.” (With troubled relationships, a healthy Intention statement gives both parties a constructive vehicle for collaboration, rather than being stuck in anger.)

• To your team: “My Intention at this meeting is to give you the opportunity to air your concerns about this project. I want it all out on the table so that we can address things up front rather than allow issues to escalate.” (Notice how a crisp, to-the-point Intention statement turns a potentially belabored, disconnected meeting into one that’s focused, time-sensitive, and comprehensive.)

The result? Like an experienced bandleader, in each of these interactions you’ve set the tone and direction. Not only have you established a set of ground rules, you’ve constructed the stage on which anyone can join you in success. In all four examples, you’ve taken powerful and humane stances as a leader.

Remember, leaders are magnets for speculation at the water cooler. If you don’t tell people where you’re coming from, they’ll spend hours guessing alone, in pairs, in clusters. And those guesses will be based on whatever tidbits of data they can collect, your body language, their observations of your whereabouts, comments overheard in the hall all signals easily misinterpreted. Once people are free from deciphering your motives, their morale and productivity have the chance to soar.

TAMING GOLIATH

Imagine an entire company where all the employees start key conversations by revealing how they intend to behave and what they desire. Beyond all else, it’s one of the most efficient and upbeat business settings you’ll ever experience. One of my clients, a wholly owned subsidiary of a large company in which Intention statements have become the norm, put the power of Intentions to the supreme test.

Thomas, the CEO of the subsidiary, is charismatic and intelligent and has keen insight on what makes people tick. But he was faced with one of the most challenging conversations of his career. He concluded that the subsidiary might not survive the economic downturn without acquiring a smaller company with a presence in Europe. Doing so, however, would require a large infusion of capital from the parent company.

Thomas made an appointment to meet with Mr. G., the parent’s Chairman. In the past such meetings had been frustrating, even somewhat demeaning: His ideas had drawn comments like, “This is too pie-in-the-sky.” or “You’re doing just fine with what you’ve got now.” Thomas typically left those meetings feeling overpowered, incompetent, and dismissed. Needless to say, he needed this meeting to be different. He pulled together his executive leadership team to help him carve out a well-crafted Intention statement. Because the meeting with Mr. G. was so critical to the company’s future, they wrote out the statement and Thomas memorized it, word for word. When the day arrived, Thomas nervously went to the Chairman’s office. First, he set his attitude at the door: confidence, focus, conviction. After a brief greeting he said, “I’d like to capture your full attention by requesting thirty minutes of your uninterrupted time. My Intention in coming here today is to be more assertive in expressing my needs to you. My aim is to get you to be my advocate, rather than my devil’s advocate. I’m going to make a bold request and I’m very serious about wanting your support.” Mr. G. sat upright in his chair. The ensuing discussion was difficult but the most candid the two men ever had. Mr. G. asked his secretary to hold all calls, and didn’t try to minimize Thomas’s request.

That night at home, Thomas replayed their discussion. It had gone well with the exception of one disturbing reaction he hadn’t foreseen. Perhaps his Intention statement had been too strong. Mr. G. appeared to have been knocked off balance he even looked like he felt betrayed. Once again Intention became Thomas’s guidepost to refocusing Mr. G. and confronting what might be a negative situation. The next morning Thomas arrived at the home office early to see Mr. G. and clarify how he’ expressed his Intention.

“I want to clean up some loose ends.” said Thomas. “I walked away yesterday sensing that you were upset.” Mr. G. confirmed that he’d felt cornered. “Let me review what I meant.” Thomas said. “At the heart of all my motivations right now is the desire to get the best value for my business, my employees, and ultimately you. That’s what drove every one of my words yesterday.”

That morning something shifted in their 20 year relationship, a mutual self-interest evolved between the two men that led to newfound respect and rapport. For the next 6 months Thomas visited Mr. G.’s office frequently and invariably began with his most honest Intentions. Even though the acquisition never took place, through candid and balanced dialogue something even more favorable did, a commitment from the Chairman to fund two new expansion projects.

As Thomas’s experience shows, perseverance in communicating Intentions is often the key to gradually improving relationships and getting what you want, even when what you want seems like a longshot.

If at first things don’t go well, keep going. Obviously every boss is different and no one Intention serves every situation but I have seen over and over again that when you begin conversations with an Intention statement, you level the playing field even with someone many rungs up the ladder from you.

BREAKING THROUGH THE HIERARCHY

To show you what I mean, I’d like to introduce you to a first-year supervisor, Troy, who scheduled a meeting with Donna, the Director of Human Resources of the multinational corporation they worked for. He approached the meeting having set his attitude (self-assurance and respect for Donna) and having armed himself with a strong statement of his Intention to develop and run a support group for new supervisors. He walked out 10 minutes later with a seemingly impossible result. In the midst of a freeze on spending, Donna agreed to fund the support group. She caught up with me later and laughed, saying, “What did you teach him? He was so sincere and committed. I was putty in his hands!”

Donna’s observation brings me to a warning: Insincere Intention statements backfire. Most people can sense manipulation a mile away. When you abuse the power of Intention, trust is destroyed and credibility lost. Intentions are like diamonds: To be worth anything they must be genuine.

WHAT’S IN IT FOR YOU?

Let’s review some of the business benefits of expressing Intentions up front:

• Clarity and unity among employees, which leads to better results

• Open and honest dialogue with clients, coworkers, and employees that builds stronger relationships

• A healthy forum for dealing head on with conflict, fear, or volatile conversations

• An increase in employee satisfaction levels because those employees aren’t frustrated and lost

• An opportunity to access your power when others attempt to control or intimidate you There are hidden benefits as well. The first is a phenomenon I call emotional loyalty, which is an internal commitment that people make to you.

When you honestly reveal your Intentions you send the message, “I trust you enough to reveal myself to you.” That opens the door for them to trust you in return. You get more than their technical competence and emotional intelligence: You get the priceless gift of loyalty from people who want to rally around to support (rather than sabotage) you.

Another benefit, and perhaps the most important when it comes to freeing yourself from LeaderShock, is that setting and stating your Intentions increases your own level of satisfaction. I’ve devoted much of the last decade to studying the lives of profoundly happy people. One of their hallmarks is that they are purposeful in choosing their attitude and behavior. They’re in control of their own lives because they continually create the situations they want. I can guarantee you, laying out all your Intentions, not holding them in, not disguising or adorning them, ultimately feels great!

But there is a danger in this. You’ve heard the expression, “The road to hell is paved with good Intentions.” That might be true unless you’re prepared to deliver. Intention is just the beginning.

Once you declare your Intentions you must hold yourself accountable to take action. Go to the next step: It’s time to own it all!

SUMMARY OF RULE ONE LeaderShock Trap No. 1: The Crisis Reactor When we’re bombarded with things coming at us all at once, we operate on automatic pilot, merely responding without being aware of how we want to be or proactively deciding what will ultimately work best. New Intentions • I set my Intention before each event of the day. I take a moment to determine the attitude and behavior that will get me what I want and have the desired impact on others. • I state those Intentions to anyone who needs to know. I reveal my motives, thoughts, and desires at the beginning of any conversation, meeting, presentation, or event!