LEADERSHOCK, RULE 7: GIVE, DON’T TAKE!

‘Tis better to give than to receive. Everyone supports the theory, but few put it to work when times turn turbulent. Under the sway of LeaderShock, managers tend to take, rather than give. And at first glance there appears to be logic to their strategy.

When time, people, and money are scarce, who can afford to help others? Accumulation becomes the objective. These leaders are pushed by their cultures to get results, gain resources, gather information, keep control, and protect their business units. What they don’t see is that when you take, take, take, eventually the well runs dry. Slowly but surely this survival mentality isolates you from a community that could be your support system. You’re caught in the “every man for himself” trap of LeaderShock—all because you fail to acknowledge the power of giving.

Thriving leaders have made an active shift from a survival mentality to one of prosperity. The philosophy behind this shift is eloquently illustrated by a simple Chinese proverb: “If you always give, you will always have.” How does that apply to leadership? Put simply, thriving leaders know that you get what you want by giving other people what they want. It works like an investment with increasing dividends, water pouring back into the well.

So if you want people to support your initiatives, first support them in theirs. If you want ongoing feedback, give ongoing feedback to others. If you want to use another department’s resources, first offer them some of yours. It’s what I call the Marketplace of Giving, and it makes a leader’s life infinitely easier.

THE MARKETPLACE OF GIVING

In the Marketplace of Giving, when somebody needs something, somebody provides it and the system pays off profitably for everyone. The giving and receiving become a cycle. As a leader you can activate the Marketplace of Giving with anyone, at any time, by offering up the best of what you have to Give skills, materials, resources, knowledge, experience, emotional support, and even the sweat and toil of your own labor. Having initiated the Marketplace, when you need something, there’s a great likelihood you’ll get it from someone in your marketplace.

This is not dissimilar to the efficient model of the age-old barter economy. In the small towns of the past, one neighbor crocheted shawls for the community, another made candles, a third preserved fruit, a fourth cut wood, and so on. In such a generous community with an active Marketplace of Giving, everyone is warmly dressed, has gentle candlelight, enjoys fruit through the winter and has wood for the fire. Conversely, in a town of resource hoarders, one person might have twenty shawls but no fruit, light, or warmth. It’s clear in which community any one individual will thrive.

THE LEADER WHO HAS EVERYTHING

Susan, an advertising manager, has created a workplace community in which she thrives by sharing the best of herself with everyone from the receptionist to the head of the company. As swamped as she is by the frenzied pace of the advertising world, Susan is forever initiating a Marketplace of Giving with employees, clients, and colleagues.

“My Intention is to give something every time I meet with someone, whether it is a compliment, information, or a new lead.” says Susan. As hard as it is to believe her statement, it’s true. As her consultant, I speak from first-hand experience. From the first time Susan and I met she has graciously volunteered to give feedback on my manuscripts, pass on referrals for research interviews, or send along helpful articles all with no other motive than to encourage a Marketplace of Giving between us. Her generosity has elicited my most giving self. I’m drawn to provide Susan with the best I have to offer in return.

Herein lies her grand payoff for the time she invests in giving: When Susan needs something, her wish is everyone else’s command. Driven by a desire to reciprocate, people rally around Susan, protecting her from LeaderShock. Her self-created Marketplace of Giving has become a bustling bazaar of prosperity. She gives a lot, and she gets a lot. It’s a big reason she’s one of the happiest and most stress-free people in the office.

THE LEADER WHO HAS NOTHING

Consider the alternative: Leaders who aren’t active members of the Marketplace of Giving clog the system and stagnate. I’ve watched Jody, a bright, hardworking education manager with the forward momentum of a high-speed train, descend deeper and deeper into LeaderShock. And here’s why: Because she’s desperately trying to keep her head above water, she thinks solely in terms of who can supply her with what she wants. Her demands of “Can you get me this?” or “I need to borrow that” are infamous among her peers. Because they know she’ll give nothing back, most people don’t respond and Jody’s train is derailed. Jody can’t see that she sabotages herself by manipulating others to get resources. With this lack of generosity, she sets herself outside the system and eventually loses out. Why? Because networks of people are always more powerful than any one person.

THE TRUST NETWORK

The most highly evolved form of the Marketplace of Giving is a phenomenon called simply the “Trust Network.” Trust Networks are made up of groups of people who feel safe enough to say anything to one another and find mutual support in the trials and tribulations of leadership. Why are they so special?

The principal purpose of these groups is the exchange of candid feedback. Sometimes informal in nature, sometimes formal, Trust Networks constitute a clear-cut mark of distinction between thriving leaders and struggling managers. Plainly put, thriving leaders have Trust Networks, LeaderShocked managers don’t. The only way to create a high-level Trust Network is to find a handful of reliable individuals in your organization whose Intention to help you is as strong as your Intention to help them. Once you do, carve out some ground rules. The sidebar provides an example of the guiding principles set by one successful network.

GROUND RULES FOR A TRUST NETWORK • We say anything no matter how risky, wacky, or politically incorrect without fear of reprisal. • We bounce ideas off one another to address current issues. • We exchange caring but uncensored feedback. • We provide support and encouragement for new, risky challenges and undertakings. • We never break confidentiality.

Gradually, your Trust Network should take on the characteristics of any other healthy ecosystem a rainforest, a trout stream, or a beehive. All the parts function individually yet help sustain one another. That’s why Trust Networks naturally encourage each participant to be the best he or she can be. I’ve actually seen splendid examples of these networks at work all over the world. I’d like to share two of them.

CEO OF HIS OWN PERSONAL ADVISORY BOARD

Gilles, a middle manager in Paris, has a Trust Network composed of four diverse one-on-one advisory relationships he relies on for guidance on a wide range of issues. He and the group of advisers agreed that they would make themselves available to Gilles, and he would be available to them, at the drop of a hat. He picks and chooses the person to tap for help based on the nature of his problem. However, when faced with a particularly troubling or complex issue, Gilles assembles all four members for what he calls an emergency Personal Advisory Board Meeting. What ensues is a crackling, no holds barred session of probing questions, advice, and encouragement. “Knowing my Board is there to guide me with career decisions, talk to me about a difficult people problem, or just support me when I really feel stuck, gives me the confidence to tackle all the obstacles I couldn’t master alone.” Why are his Board members so loyal? Gilles has also helped each of them through their own leadership difficulties.

A HIGH-TECH CONNECT

When you’re in a crisis, Trust Networks can mean the difference between a severe case of LeaderShock and realizing your dreams. Back in 1999 during a revenue slump, a group of five managers at a midsized Silicon Valley company took the bull by the horns. Instead of closing ranks, this group opened them. Without funds for formal leadership training and in need of support, they created their own learning network dubbed the Leadership Forum. Once a week they’d convene during lunch to dissect the latest leadership books, share their trials and tribulations, and kick around new approaches to leadership issues.

As the company’s fortunes declined, the other thirty or so managers became increasingly distracted by worries about their uncertain futures. The Leadership Forum, on the other hand, continued to meet, sharing ideas and employment leads and even helping each other construct resumes. When the company finally closed its doors a year later, all five were coping significantly better than the other managers they were less stressed, more optimistic, and felt more connected to one another. Even after the company folded, this cohesive group still gathered once a week. In a poetic end to the story, three of the members went on to live their dreams they created their own company and have recently found investors to fund its launch.

The Marketplace of Giving is also a salve to those on-the-job irritants that contribute to our sense of LeaderShock our workplace adversaries.

DISARMING YOUR ADVERSARY

Your Marketplace of Giving is the route to transforming your most adversarial relationships from competitive to cooperative. In Rule 6, I pointed out that all people want to be respected and to feel worthwhile. So by following the give-first rule, if you want respect from your antagonists, your best means of getting it is to show respect first. That’s what Yuki did after a particularly contentious conversation with Bill, the curmudgeonly I.T. programmer assigned to her department. They were unable to agree on what Yuki needed and what Bill was prepared to deliver so Bill’s tone turned mean spirited and climaxed with a rather sour “You people just don’t understand.”

Yuki made an unannounced visit to Bill’s desk the following morning. And, she came bearing gifts.

Gifts come in many forms. Yuki brought the gifts of respect and understanding. She said, “Bill, I’ve had a chance to sit back and put myself in your shoes. I understand that this is a more complicated request than I knew. What would happen if I helped make things easier for you? If you’re agreeable, I’d like you to educate me as to where I can simplify my request so that I can go back to the drawing board and present you with something that’s doable.” Her giving disarmed Bill because he’s used to being greeted with the same attacking tone that he puts out. Yuki’s urge to respect first and then find a winwin opportunity was a masterful combination. Bill became not only her ally but a true supporter. In the end, Yuki got what she needed from Bill and had the satisfaction of knowing how competently she handled the situation.

THE MARKETPLACE TO THE RESCUE

I’d like to conclude this chapter with the ultimate affirmation of Rule 6. This story features a friend and fellow business consultant, Ron, who spent a lifetime creating and collecting wonderful training materials, program ideas, and experiential exercises. He built a career presenting seminars based on this library of materials. To his credit, he always shared this library freely, giving away copies of his materials to other consultants, even though they were his direct competition in a highly competitive field. Ron didn’t see them as enemies, though. He saw them as part of his community comrades who understood the world of the independent consultant.

His giving included those trying to break into the field even though they had nothing to give in return. These people became a professional family and were happy to be at the receiving end of Ron’s generosity.

One day a fire gutted Ron’s office. Nothing but ashes remained of his computer and cabinets full of files. Thirty years’ worth of irreplaceable work was lost. Or so he thought. When colleagues learned of his loss, everyone stepped up to help. They supported him as he had once supported them by providing copies of everything he had so unselfishly given to them along with additional material from their own collections. Within a few weeks, Ron’s library was larger than ever.

Ron’s story illustrates the obvious advantage of seeing others as allies rather than as competition.

One of the joys of leadership is passing on your knowledge without fear that the recipients will look better than you, get more business than you, or receive more recognition. So even if you are part of a competitive corporate environment, remember Ron and know that your leadership is enhanced by the degree to which you are willing to give. The Marketplace you create will come back to provide for you when you most need it.

Giving is itself the greatest gift, and as you’ll learn in the next chapter, the single best gift is truth.

SUMMARY OF RULE SEVEN Leadership Trap No. 7: The Shortsighted Taker When we find ourselves merely trying to survive the pressures created by limited time, money, and people resources, we tend to take as much as we can. This survival mentality eventually isolates us from a community that could otherwise provide us with everything we want. New Intentions • I activate a Marketplace of Giving by freely sharing my knowledge, skills, materials, resources, experience, emotional support, and physical labor with as many colleagues as possible. I understand that the best way to get what I want is to give others what they want. • I build a Trust Network with people in my organization whose Intentions to support me are as strong as my Intentions to support them. I rely on the network to guide me through the toughest times rather than isolating myself. • I turn around poor relationships by giving rather than competing.