LEADERSHOCK, RULE 8: DEMAND THE TRUTH

I’ve watched leaders on three continents suffer needlessly as they tried to sidestep embarrassment, conflict; and hurting others’ feelings by avoiding the truth. Instead, they embrace a subtle, discreet, and withholding posture that sometimes parades as politeness, in an attempt to protect themselves and others. Unfortunately, their efforts only backfire and they end up with a loss of credibility, cynical employees, and a colossal case of LeaderShock. The trap in Rule No. 8 is the Well-Meaning Withholder, a vestige of a more naïve era in management history, held over at great expense. We must usher in a

new era.

What era is it? It’s the era of leaders who tell the truth, and who are willing to hear the truth! Without truth we cannot do anything wise. It’s the social contract that binds human beings together and it’s a leader’s means of inspiring and inviting reflection. Truth, or the lack thereof, is more publicly discussed now than in any other time in history. What we know is that the absence of truth destroys careers and organizations and has an incalculable social cost. Truthfulness, on the other hand, keeps politicians, small business owners, corporate executives, and leaders of all varieties out of the worst scourges of LeaderShock as it enhances the public good.

So let’s reexamine a debilitating assumption: We tend to fear that people will pull way if we’re honest. But if delivered properly, the wisdom inherent in accountable, non-attacking truth, draws people to you like a magnet. Even if the news is bad, people want to know what’s real and they rally around truth tellers. Thriving leaders know that without a steady diet of truth they can’t feel secure with their team members, can’t rely on information, and can’t know whether their decisions are based on good business practices. They understand that in addition to building a culture of accountability, they must also build a culture of feedback an environment where everyone’s honest thoughts and perceptions are freely shared. Why is this so critical? For one reason, having a culture of feedback is the best way to build trust. And trust is the number one characteristic of any successful group, be it a football team, a corporation, or a government.

This chapter shows you how to take the honesty you used in stating your Intentions and invest it in the daily feedback you give to your team. You’ll also see how to elicit feedback from your team as well. The challenge is in how to create an environment that makes people feel more comfortable engaging in unbridled honesty than they feel without it. Read on, as we untangle the trap of the Well Meaning Withholder and tap into the extraordinary power of a truth-telling culture. We’ll start with potent ways to get the truth.

THE COURAGE TO HEAR THE TRUTH

In many environments, just hearing the word “feedback” is enough to send people into a state of panic.

Some would rather face a firing squad than be subjected to a verbal critique. So let’s inject a little truth right here: When we see feedback as negative, or give all our power to the person giving the feedback, we set ourselves up for a long, hard fall. I’ve watched competent leaders receive well meaning feedback and walk away feeling worthless and defeated, unable to sleep for days, and in some cases even plotting revenge against the person who gave the feedback. All this angst is a direct result of the way they choose to view that feedback.

THE NEW INTENTION

The first step toward a culture of feedback is a dramatic repositioning of your thinking. Your new Intention is: To see feedback as nothing more than new information; never as an attack. When you’re committed to this mindset, critique becomes unthreatening and useful data. You come to realize that feedback simply reveals a fact or perception that already exists in at least one person’s mind. The difference is, now you have the considerable advantage of knowing about it. You’ve been given the power to make better, more realistic choices.

Let’s turn to the concepts that define truth telling and the techniques that make it possible. To help position your thinking, I invite you to embrace the 1 percent factor.

THE 1 PERCENT FACTOR

The 1 percent factor is based on the notion that at least 1 percent of any feedback is true. It pushes you to ask yourself, “What part of this feedback might be useful to me?” Maybe it’s only 1 percent. Perhaps it’s 10 percent, or even 50 percent. Maybe it all rings true. In this way, the 1 percent factor helps you avoid the worthless urge to focus on all the reasons the feedback isn’t valid. It moves you away from defending yourself and toward things you can do something about.

I’d like to tell the story of one leader who took the first step in initiating a culture of feedback by putting herself out on the front line.

HEARING THE WHOLE TRUTH

Julie, the head of a government services agency, is a self-driven, fast-moving, intelligent person. When I first met her she was also a beleaguered leader, frustrated beyond belief with the twelve account representatives she inherited the year before. Julie described them as a team without trust. They couldn’t be sure of one another’s motives, and their hyperdiscreet environment was pervaded by dishonesty.

Though I could tell Julie wasn’t a participant in the backbiting I’d heard about, I challenged her to look at her part in creating the climate in which such problems thrived. Specifically, I encouraged her to use two tools for clearing the way to hear the whole truth: (1) see feedback as new and valuable information, and (2) employ the 1 percent factor. Here’s what happened.

The day after Julie and I talked, we held a meeting with her team. Boldly standing before the group, she set the stage for truthfulness, “My Intention is to really hear what you have to say about my leadership.” she began. “I ask that you be brutally honest with me just as I’ll pledge my honesty to you. I want to do things differently and I need your help to figure out what. Anything you share with me will be a gift.” At this point, Julie followed my counsel and began with the most truthful statement she could make to the group (at that moment). “I have to admit, I feel a little vulnerable up here,” she confessed.

Julie began with the first of her two questions: “I want to know specific things about my leadership that are working well.” They found much to compliment.

She was seen as high on integrity, true to her word, and a great champion of the department. Julie recorded all this on a flipchart for everyone to see. Having established a precedent for telling the truth, Julie jumped into what they’d all been dreading. Putting a new heading on the flipchart, she turned to face the group, “Now I’d like you to apply that same level of honesty as you tell me things about my leadership that aren’t working.” They were slow to start, but with Julie’s continuous encouragement of their candor, the group’s list grew and grew.

The real success of the meeting resulted from how Julie responded to that list. Had she simply told the group, “Thanks, I’ll try to work on these things.” and sat down, she’d have elicited skepticism and lost all the momentum the group built. Instead, Julie systematically addressed the comments with uncensored honesty, telling them what she was, and wasn’t, willing to do about each issue. In every case, she gave her reasons. Some of those issues and her responses appear in the sidebar “Julie’s Handling of Employee Feedback.”

JULIE’S HANDLING OF EMPLOYEE FEEDBACK Group’s Feedback: “You need to initiate stronger, friendlier relationships with us the members of your department. Come around and talk to us more.” Julie’s Response: “I know I need to devote more time to each of you, and I’m willing to commit to doing that. One thing you may not know about me is that I’m actually very shy, so I think I’m going to need your help to meet this request.” (Julie’s simple admission of shyness came as a surprise to her team. Because they respected her strong will and professional competence, they’d assumed the reason she had so little personal contact was that she didn’t care. This new insight for the group sent Julie’s personal stock soaring because of her willingness to be vulnerable in such a guarded environment.) Group Feedback: “Shift your priorities and put the succession planning project at the top of your list. We need it.” Julie’s Response: “This is something I don’t want to change because the company is about to reorganize, and it doesn’t make sense to analyze staffing patterns until we know what’s going to happen. As you know the performance appraisal project is my top priority, and I’m not willing to change that now.” (While some group members were taken aback by Julie’s answer, at least they now understood that succession planning would not be a lead initiative and why. This illustrates a key point: Honesty generates trust, and trust comes from openness in not agreeing with people or catering to them.) Group Feedback: “Spend less time working with the company’s executive group and more time interfacing with our internal customers.” Julie’s Response: “My boss has communicated that influencing the executive team is a big part of my job, and frankly, that’s the only reason this department has had so much companywide impact. On the other hand, I sense that there are issues with our customers that require my support. I’d like to hear what they are so I can help you address them in a different way.” (Julie’s willingness to be open and non-defensive gave her the pulse of her team and gave the team new understandings. They now knew  her pressures from above, how she saw her role, and that her focus on executives was not because of an indifference to their customers.)

There are many ways to request feedback from your people but Julie’s approach is among my favorites for its simplicity and power in getting issues out on the table. If you try this approach, be aware that you might find yourself in worse shape than when you started unless you carefully follow several rules:

• Use Intentions and rewards: Ramp up to the honesty with an authentic Intention statement, which sets the stage. Be sure to reward people as they contribute feedback.

Remember, it’s candor you want to reward, not the specific content of one piece of feedback versus another.

• If you ask for honesty, when you get it, embrace it. The slightest bit of defensiveness on your part and it’s all over. If your people withhold their feedback, analyze why it might not be safe for them to speak, and do your part to change that.

• Never promise anything you’re not committed to doing. The proof is in the pudding. In the weeks following our meeting, Julie’s staff saw her making efforts to meet their needs and keep her promises. Their allegiance grew and grew, and so did their level of trust. Julie’s example shows how to encourage and respond to feedback from your team. This is an essential ingredient in the LeaderShock prescription, but taken by itself, it’s incomplete. Beyond eliciting the truth from others, your next objective is having the courage to deliver the truth.

THE COURAGE TO TELL THE TRUTH

Thriving leaders don’t shy away from giving needed feedback. They find their courage in an approach that’s tough but caring hard on the issue but with ultimate respect for the person. When you follow their approach, your sole Intention in giving feedback is to be helpful and honest, never to hurt or damage anyone. Your reason for giving the feedback has to be pure. Scrutinize your motives. Feedback given to satisfy a malicious intent destroys everyone.

When you stick to this mantra, ”I help, not hurt,” you can’t go wrong. Even if the other person doesn’t like what you have to say, you know you’ve told the truth accountably. That’s your job as a leader. Like so many other practices in this book, the tough but caring approach always begins with an Intention statement explaining your own thoughts and motivations for giving the feedback. This has been the missing ingredient in sloppy, misinterpreted coaching and feedback sessions. Once employees know where you’re coming from, then, and only then, you are positioned to lay out the issue. Make sure to allow plenty of time for employee reactions, look for opportunities to brain storm ways to address the issue, and always close with appreciation and support.

I saw the LeaderShock consequences of dodging the truth when I worked with a popular nonprofit organization well known for the good cause they support. Regrettably, there’s a disconnect between their benevolent reputation and what goes on behind closed doors. To put it bluntly, the full-time staff hate one another. It all boils down to one factor.

Jim, the leader, doesn’t tell the truth. Jim’s got one truth for person A and another for person B. He’ll tell everyone what he thinks they want to hear, and therein lies the conflict. Everyone on the team is a good person, but the infighting is out of control and it’s having a devastating effect on fundraising. Lack of cooperation has caused fundraising campaigns to perform poorly, donations have fallen off, and the organization has had to cut back on the services it provides. Here’s the irony: Jim’s reason for not being more forthright is, “I’m afraid to disappoint anyone.

These people are emotionally volatile. If I upset them too much, they’ll quit.” Jim’s dishonesty exacerbates the toxic emotions and unwittingly creates an unproductive and hurtful environment. The health of the organization is compromised as a result of a fearful leader. If Jim wants a turnaround in results, his most critical role is not only to hold his people accountable for their behavior, but also to be courageous enough to tell it like it is.

THERE’S AN ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM

Not too long ago I was working with Darnell, the division head of a training and development company, and his five lieutenants. My charge for the day was to assist the group in uncovering impediments to their financial success. Something indefinable wasn’t right. When I arrived they proudly presented me with a list of items they supposed likely to increase revenue. I could tell that their list didn’t get to the heart of the real problems. It included such generic items as: Develop new leads in two territories. Redefine roles to focus on new business. Enhance communication on this team.

“Let me challenge you.” I said. “My guess is these aren’t really the underlying issues. Something tells me there are some elephants in this room.” “Elephants” are those organizational beasts that everyone sees but no one talks about. But, they are undeniable truths. In our personal lives they might be unspeakable family issues like Uncle Charlie’s drinking or Mom’s gambling. For business leaders, the symbolic elephant is something everyone worries about but doesn’t dare mention, at least publicly. Regardless of cause, the elephant runs rampant through the office with its unspoken power and prevents us from realizing the results we desire. If it’s allowed to remain unleashed, the elephant grows until it fills the entire office, suffocating its victims. I’ve seen it crush leaders and entire companies.

On this day, I could almost smell the group’s fear. My intuition told me there was more than one elephant in the room, so I challenged them to an elephant hunt. You could have heard a pin drop. I let the silence hang, until finally Darnell, the leader, broke the ice. “The truth is that we don’t want to admit that although this team believes it’s headed in the right direction, everyone else in the company thinks it isn’t. I think we need to talk about that.” Heads around the room nodded. Eyes began to make contact. Team members began chiming in. They’d all secretly worried about that same thing.

Darnell’s words opened a door everyone could walk through, and the team took its cue from him. By the time we finished our hunt, eleven elephants had been corralled. Now deeper, scarier, underlying issues were on the table, and the team could talk openly and productively about how to respond. Some of what they said included:

• We don’t have a culture of accountability. If our managers (and staff) don’t support company initiatives, we let them off the hook.

• Our margins are under pressure because we’re marketing a Mercedes product to a Chevrolet audience that wants only the basics.

• Next year, after Jonathan Black retires, we’ll have no supporter on the executive board.

• One member of this team, Sharon, seems apathetic and checked-out.

By naming the elephants in the room lots of good unfolded at the meeting:

• Sharon revealed the source of her apathy.

• The real obstacles were dealt with.

• Leaders got a chance to unload stress.

• The group bonded around honesty.

• Secondary business issues were dealt with more effectively because the primary issues were cleared away.

• The precedent set here made the team’s approach to other issues more honest and forthright.

Like Darnell, you can do much the same with your team. Before your next departmental meeting, ask team members to write down their top three elephants, or work-related stresses. An anonymous solicitation sometimes works best. Transcribe the results on a flipchart and share it as part of the meeting. Then engage the group, zeroing in on the real elephants, corralling them, and getting them out of the group’s way. The escalation of LeaderShock is directly proportional to the number of issues left unacknowledged and unexpressed. As uncomfortable as it is to name those unacknowledged issues, if you don’t do so, you doom your team to working on a never-ending stream of their effects.

MY TRUTH

Now that you’ve got some tools for getting and giving feedback, we need to discuss the truth about truth. We don’t all see things in the same way. A group of twenty employees can witness the same event and come away with twenty different truths about (or versions of) what happened. This points up the importance of a concept called “my truth.” “My truth” can best be understood by imagining that each of us is a camera, fitted with a unique lens. Each lens yields a perspective all its own. Our lenses are affected by our cultural background, life experience, and genetics. They are also mediated by our emotional framework and the degree to which we are invested in the event we’re viewing. So although we are all looking at the same scene, our image of that scene, our truth, is anywhere from a little different to vastly different from others’ images. The snapshot we take away preserves these differences and becomes our picture of reality.

With so many different truths, how do leaders get everyone to agree? They don’t. That’s why thriving leaders have given up the idea of finding group consensus. This remnant of a 1990s leadership ideology remains with us today only as a symptom of LeaderShock. We waste time trying to agree on what’s true and what isn’t as though there were just one absolute truth. Those differences all contribute to a rich, more complete understanding of the issues at hand. As a leader, it’s your job not so much to select from among them, but to help integrate them into a comprehensive perspective as the basis for good decisions. It’s neither effective nor efficient to figure out who’s right and who’s wrong because most of the time everyone has a legitimate perspective. The best we can do, particularly in the age of LeaderShock, is to take everyone’s perspective into account, then use the diversity of information it yields to make well-informed decisions. There’s no guarantee we’ll always be victorious, but we certainly have a much better shot at it.

Leaders get swallowed up by the effects of LeaderShock when they give in to a fear of honesty. Honoring people with the truth and being willing to hear it sets everyone free. When we incorporate truth along with the other seven rules presented in this article, the effect is remarkable. We can rise above management chaos to celebrate the rewards that come from real leadership.

SUMMARY OF RULE EIGHT LeaderShock Trap No. 8: The Well-Meaning Withholder When we protect ourselves from embarrassment, conflict, or hurt feelings by withholding truthful feedback or avoiding hearing the truth from the people around us, we’re at a grave disadvantage. We lose credibility and the knowledge critical to our success. New Intentions • I tell the truth to everyone around me by embracing a tough but caring approach hard on the issue but with ultimate respect for the person. I always begin any feedback with an Intention statement revealing my motives. • I emphatically search out the truth. I see feedback only as new information, and use the 1 percent rule to focus on the part of the feedback that’s helpful, rather than defending myself. • I take everyone’s truth into consideration when I make decisions and then use what I hear to make the best choice.